Today I'm missing you in that impossible way...
It's been the longest winter without you (I didn't now where to turn to)
Somehow I can't forget you, after all that we've been through
GOING COMING
Thought I heard a knock (WHO'S THERE? no one.
Thinking that I deserve it
NOW I'VE REALISED THAT I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW OW OW ON
If you didn't notice YOU MEAN EVERYTHING! Quickly I'M LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN. All I know is I will be OK. Though I couldn't live without you (it's gonna hurt when it heals too)...
It will all get better in time!
Even though I really love you, I'm gonna smile cause I deserve too
It will all get better in time!
Don't ask me to listen to you any more, because you are a LIVING LIE.
You think I WOULD miss you?
you had never gave me NOTHING!
(what makes you think that?
This is my happy ending, and I decide how it ends -
Dear imaginary friend: Today they have done it again, my classmates have beaten me. I can't stand it! [FUCK] I did nothing! They just call me a freak and rare, and I really don't know why. I love music, love manga, and computer too, and I don't really like paying football. [SO WHAT?] I've tried once, not to be alone in the break, and they ALWAYS forced me to be the goalie. I don't know what is like to score a goal and be hugged by your friends (as a winner). "I don't wanna play this anymore" another reason to hit me, for leaving half a game. I have already lost the desire to joining them, I wanna see their faces as less as possible and I'm late to class. My teachers are tired, always saying I have change [WHAT DO THEY NOW?]; and they have called my parents too. I have always participated in class when teachers asked something (I can pass my exams without studying); but now I can't do that, I'm afraid of the other children. My dad calls me "Mr. Problematic" [IMPOTENCE AND PAIN WILL CANCEL ME, OR MAYBE TAKE A TRAGIC COCKTAIL].
I can`t stand this pressure anymore -You don't have to-. I want to end it all -So ends it early-. I hear voices within me, saying: CAME ON, DO IT.
I'm sorry, but your parents will not understand your suffering, and you know that being sit on that table time will pass slower. I did understand you, and I can also help you, I swear to end it all if you take my advise. Everything begins in the corridors, you will be with your head duck and your hands in your pocket. The other children will exclude you, they just wanna see you crying; they will lock you in the basements in the recess, and all for not being like everyone else. What makes you unique here, also makes you lonely. The teachers only make matter worse, they only makes you get another punch. And everything you do is only another reason to once again attack the target [I MEAN YOU!]. They are laughing, but's not funny for you. Is not that you are inferior, what blinds you is the fear. [WANT TO TEAR APART YOUR VEINS?] Escaping only delay the problems. Look at you! I'm starting feeling sorry for you. Every day you have new bruises of those little thugs.
Keep your ideals and don't be a coward [DON'T GIVE UP]. I know this time lucky is far away from you, but it's not good hiding [YOU MUST FIGHT!]. Have to be strong [LISTEN TO THIS VOICE WHO TALKS TO YOU BEHIND THIS HOOD]. Being respected is complicated and it's your turn. The solution is front the situation; I'm not telling you its gonna be easy, so less pressure. What would the others do if they were in your place? They can't understand what you are. They have perturbed your innocence [YOU KNOW WHAT IS LIKE WHEN YOUR PATIENCE IS GONE]. You must do something now, I know you are tired, and to be honest, I think you have endured enough. I know its on your veins, the encore has poisoned you. This is not what you wanted.
I can`t stand this pressure anymore -You don't have to-. I want to end it all -So ends it early-. I hear voices within me, saying: CAME ON, DO IT!
That day I told myself a lot of times: "DON'T DO IT, THEY ARE GOOD KIDS", but they have pushed me into the void. I got to that point of no returns, were everything is the same, and you feel anger towards your environment. That day I came early to class and in the queue those bastards were mercilessly. I remembered their mouths saying: "BABY" and the impact of their hands on my body. As usual there nobody did nothing. Some started laughing. I swallowed from the floor, resigned but knowing that that day will be all over. [HIT ME MORE, I'M NOT GONNA CRY; I HAVE NO TEARS LEFT, ONLY SICKLY SMILE. YOU ARE GONNA DIE, AND IT'S GONNA BE YOUR TEACHER THE LAST THING YOU WILL HEARD]. A jug of gasoline in my backpack, and much pain and adrenaline on my veins. I got bruised to the bathroom and I waited everyone's into the class. While the janitor was drinking coffee, I stole him the keys of my classroom. I got mine which was on the fourth floor and I closed a door from the outside with stealth. Opened the other and shed the fuel. [SURPRISE!] I give them no time to react. I threw a phosphorus, locked them and started walking. Now I remember their screams, irresistible symphony. Firefighters saved some lives, but many don't bother me again [THE HYSTERICAL TEACHER, RUNNING AWAY FROM THE FIRE, JUMPED OUT OF THE WINDOW, AND SHE HASN'T WALK AGAIN].
Time has passed, I never got into the school again, not even my house. But this place has it's advantages, nobody mistreats me. Although is all very cool, they give me pills that make me relax. Sometimes I imagine the way to kill a nurse, but I have to control myself. I know that with time, they should liberate me. [I'M SORRY, I SWEAR!] Who I'm kidding?
I'm not denying that last night wanted to kiss you more than once. I'm not denying that the butterflies, responsible of my jitters, fill my stomach with strange and confusing sensations when I think of you. I'm not denying that every time I'm near your house, I imagine your entire body, your entire soul.]] I'm not denying that being at your side my heart beats with more power and stronger too. I can't deny either the fact that I want you, I want you like now one else, I want your body every second of mi life.
I can't sleep until you came home and kiss me good night.
[but don't worry, I will do it anyway
don't wanna die because
OF you.
I'm scare now, I was always scared]
I'm only able to listen the BLABLABLA of a silence that fills my ears with pure reason.
I WAKE UP!
(It was the alarm clock
TÍC, TÍC, TÍC)
It's so difficult moving on when the only way out is suicide, when my friends stop being my trust, and my family stop listening to me. It's so difficult moving on being alone, so abandoned, without parents, without friends, without feelings]...
It's so difficult moving on and still being an adolescent; making the finite world believe that I'm GREAT, that my awareness is feeling WELL, that my feelings are the same, that my mind still the same [as when I was a little girl.
It's so difficult, even with this regret in my mind, leap into the void, rend my veins and watch my blood flowing over my skin, that blood which was inside me until this day...
you shouldn't be here in my mind.
NO!
So, Who are you?
Why are you here?
Did I let you in?
I CAN'T REMEMBER.
when was it?
God! How did you get into my head? Seeing you hurts me. Talking to you hurts me. Thinking about you hurts me. Imagining you hurts me. Even dreaming with your face hurts me.
YOU are HURTing ME! Don't you see?
I still can't get why are you here. Are you looking for my happiness?
or my sadness?
What is obvious?
Anything,
we don't know EVERYTHING,
we don't know ANYTHING.
That bothers you? DOESN'T IT?
Well, it should.
What are you doing? What are you waiting for? What do you want? What are you shouting?
Even though I can't hear you.
... one two three
Is not good to be in silence, you know? It makes you be like everyone else. JUST LIKE THE OTHERS.
I don`t know what i'm pretending with this, I just wanna do my best for everyone, for every girl, for every boy, for every soul who needs something that I'm able to give.
